All the discussions this week about love, power, and sexuality gave me a good chance to reflect on my past and the relationships I had held close to my heart. I asked myself why I got so many different jumbled feelings about love and how I see those emotions in my own eyes and It didnt take me long to answer my own question.
On March 26, 2oo6 I lost a man that I truly loved because he was hit and killed by a drunk driver… my world had never came crashing down so fast as it did when I answered his mothers phone call early that morning. A relationship of almost two years, someone who was my absolute best friend was just gone before I could even take in the news or get the chance to say a final goodbye. The reason this reminds me of our postings is because we are talking about power and how society influences love. When I think about what in this world influenced me to love Cody I remembered that when we first started dating people warned me about him….saying that he would never change. I remember my own brothers telling me that Cody was too much of a partier, too involved in all the wrong things, and too much for me to handle. Of course I was young and curious…and I did the opposite of all those worldly voices, and you know what happened to me? My entire life changed. Cody changed. I was on top of the world in love and It was the most amazing experience– I had truly been blessed. I was constantly wondering why God let me have someone so special. What if I had never taken that chance? What if I had listened to the rest of the world and missed out on his love….on his life?
I thought I had love set aside perfectly in my life. My friends always told me how much Cody loved me and how he never failed at treating me like a princess….his princess. For the days and even months after his death I recall it being mostly a fog, but I remember taking so many late night drives as tears ran down my face just begging and reasoning with God and wondering how I am going to pick up the pieces and begin again. Honestly, It took almost 6 months before I could wake up and say to myself….”Kalie, your going to be alright.” To this day, though its only been a year and a half– I am more afraid of the memories I have of Cody and I fading than I am to never get the chance to find a love like that again.
There is a place in my heart where only the deepest of love can penetrate…. and it didnt take long for Cody to hit that place. We were complete opposites, and this is how the judgements of society can affect relationships. I was the church going, innocent, sweet, and naive girl who was connected with that “dangerous boy” with whom our love would never last. Little did the world know we would take our love to his grave, even though it still resides so strong inside of me.
I remember how I was called up to speak at the funeral and as I looked up and faced the pews I saw all those faces that told me to stay away from Cody. I saw all those friends we cherished and went to hang out with on the weekends. I saw tears streaming the faces of his family, my family, and others as I spoke of how Cody was saved while we were together on Thanksgiving night as well as recapturing the times we had together as really started falling…. falling in love.
I’ll never forget watching the dirt covering his grave, or the moment I put the last white rose in his casket as they closed it for the final time. I’ll never forget the voices of people whispering about how I was the girl that changed his life. But you know what? I was just that girl that gave him a chance…. a chance to take off the mask he had covering him up, and when I loved him… I saved him.
I can only imagine how many people have missed out on the chance to be loved only because they have been so caught up in the opinions of others or what the world would think of them. Why…. why do we let all the wrong things influence us into missing out on life’s best offers?
Love is a chance. Love is power. But more importantly…. Love always wins.
